The schizophrenia of awareness

More and more lately, I find myself torn between opposite impulses. As the tangible reality of energy and its power permeate my life a little more each day, I struggle with my human reactions to things, people and events. As I open social media, my feed is full of news that by all account warrant my anger, outrage and grief. But I am all too aware now that this anger would travel quickly and only fuel the egregor that is at the origin of the event or situation itself. I cannot pretend ignorance anymore of the kind of influence we as individuals have on the world we live in, not only in our actions, but in our thought and our (un)ability to transmute our emotions into something that will not feed the harmful forces that are at play in our physical reality.

Learning to grieve

In the last year and a half, I have experienced many things, not the least of which were the death of my beloved grandmother and the end of my first serious relationship. Both were big events that sparked a tremendous change in how I lived with myself and dealt with the world. And today, as I am still going through significant aftershocks, most of which positive, I find myself wondering: is grieving in a good way the most important thing one will ever learn? And this begs another question: why was I not taught this as a child? Why was the transformative nature of grief not taught to me as soon as I was old enough to understand language? Why did I need to wait thirty years to begin to grasp what our culture, our parents, everything around us denies: without healthy grieving, change is ten times as hard.